Empathizing with Paula Abdul

I never, ever thought it would happen. I'm completely in sympathy with Paula Abdul.

By now everyone has heard how she broke her nose tripping over her dog. While I've never broken my nose (despite its appearance) I have, too many times to count, done an incredibly-not-graceful stumble-hop-trip-grabsomethingtryingnottofall move around one of my dogs.

I blame the dogs. If they would just stay put, we wouldn't put their lives in danger just by walking around. Inevitably, they're lying peacefully, napping away. Until we try to step over them to get somewhere. Because they always lie in your path, regardless of where you're going. Just when your foot is over them, in mid-air, they get up. Long experience has prepared you - you know they're going to do it, so you try to balance every step before you take the next. Fat chance.

Consequently, we've developed a step we call the "Griffie shuffle." While all dogs are good at trying to kill you this way, the Griffs are champs. I've mentioned before that they're "velcro dogs" - they're always with you so they're always underfoot.

Practise the "Griffie shuffle" with us: Stand with a destination in mind. Check the location of all four resident dogs. Move the right foot forward, skimming the floor lightly. Place foot. Nudge the dog body with the left foot. If the dog moves, proceed to step without lifting foot from floor. If the dog doesn't move, grab something for balance and try to step over. When the dog body suddenly stands, try not to kick it. Touch toe to floor for balance. Continue to shuffle.